by Donald R. Officer

Before we crawl or speak we offer deep and real gratitude to those who love us. The bonds of early attachment last a lifetime. Why has our society taken so long to acknowledge them?

Reasonable explanations do exist. Other priorities naturally, and, as preeminent gratitude theorist Robert Emmons explains, gratitude like happiness tends to feel better as spontaneous outcome than as checklist item or deeply hidden wellspring. We can jump start our grateful impulses, but the gratitude dynamic remains a rich confluence of instinct and recollection.

One way that our own Judith Umlas helps us clarify the gratitude experience is by distinguishing between thanks, which can be perfunctory or transactional – a matcher’s approach as Adam Grant might describe it – and acknowledgement, a heartfelt recognition as in the powerful African greeting: “I see you!”.

Gratitude, like other feelings that matter, is hard to fake. One of the strongest proponents and most committed researchers into authentic interpersonal feelings works with troubled couples and families throughout North America is Sue Johnson, author of “Hold Me Tight” and “Love Sense”. She is the developer of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, an interpersonal approach to feelings that continues to transform lives of her grateful clients while rescuing their relationships.

As a leader, you do not seek the intimacy levels with your staff or colleagues that Sue Johnson encourages in her client couples. However, there are clues linking grateful leadership to the roots Johnson taps. She traces her approach to the pioneering work of British psychiatrist John Bowlby. When he began his practice a few generations back, “helping” professionals virtually everywhere advised parents to avoid “coddling” their children. But Bowlby and his colleagues saw something else.

Everyone recalls early rejections. Whether or not such experience made us reticent to take necessary risks today, might depend on whether we were parented in a positive secure, an anxious ambivalent or avoidant way. Research distinguishing among childhood connection quality is central to attachment theory. Are there parallels to management styles?

What’s the gratitude connection? We experience all three styles growing up. But new prompts including acknowledgment retrieve positive forgotten responses. Industrial psychology once dismissed positive attachment or engagement as inappropriately subjective. Fortunately, genuine recognition reminds us of secure connections generating measurable, tangible results.

What role does gratitude play in your life? Gratitude Connection weekly and International Institute of Learning Vice-President, Judith Umlas in her acclaimed books, “Grateful Leadership”, “Using the Power of Acknowledgment to Engage All Your People and Achieve Superior Results” and “The Power of Acknowledgment” will help you see the possibilities.

Donald Officer, MA ’89, is a strategic thinking practitioner who melds problem solving research models to help clients anticipate unexpected scenarios and opportunities while pursuing what is most meaningful to them. In addition to coaching, facilitation, and consulting Don blogs at The Intention Coach, where he welcomes comments. He is a certified facilitator and a member of the International Coach Federation and the Canadian Positive Psychology Association. Donald’s articles can be found here.

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This article is from the monthly column The Gratitude Connection contributed by Positive Psychology expert/thought leader Donald R. Officer, author of the Positive Psychology News Daily article on Grateful Leadership.

Donald Officer, MA ’89, is a strategic thinking practitioner who melds problem solving research models to help clients anticipate unexpected scenarios and opportunities while pursuing what is most meaningful to them. In addition to coaching, facilitation, and consulting Don blogs at The Intention Coach, where he welcomes comments. He is a certified facilitator and a member of the International Coach Federation and the Canadian Positive Psychology Association. Donald’s articles can be found here.