The Knock Your Socks Off Power of Acknowledgment!

During a session last week on The Power of Acknowledgment at the Saba Centra Regional Users Group conference — the company that created the software for the virtual courses we teach at IIL — a woman named Debbie who works at a major pharmaceutical company rose to the occasion when all participants were asked to think of someone they truly need to acknowledge. Debbie thought of her daughter, who as a single mom is raising her own daughter, and doing what Debbie thinks is a great job of it. She pledged to deliver an acknowledgment to her daughter over the weekend and today “reported back” the following:

“When I saw her this weekend, I walked up to her and told her I had something to tell her. I told her that I realize how hard it was to be a single mom raising a child but that I was extremely proud of her. She then asked me why I was so proud of her. I told her that I felt she has raised her daughter with good morals and manners and it shows when Briana is around other people – especially out in public. Well, she almost started to cry and told me that she was very happy that I felt that way about her. My daughter Kris does not have a high level of self-esteem and I could tell from what I said, it made her feel better about herself. I think that I am going to go and buy a Hallmark card and send it to her so that she has it as a remembrance. Thank you for making me open my eyes and realizing that others need and want acknowledgement – just like me.”

Well Debbie, I fully acknowledge you for stepping up to the plate and identifying your daughter as someone who would greatly benefit from your heartfelt and authentic acknowledgment. Look at the wonderful result you have produced! The fact that you are also willing and committed to putting the acknowledgment into a form that Kris can revisit whenever her self-esteem feels low, is further evidence that you are committed to making a difference in the world. Thank you for letting this message in so deeply and with such conviction. Thank you for being willing to help repair the world, one person at a time, using the power of acknowledgment.

7 thoughts on “The Knock Your Socks Off Power of Acknowledgment!”

I attended Judy’s webinar on May 15th and posted the following in the chat window:

“I recently received acknowledgement from a past subordinate/co-worker (10 yrs after) that validated my philosophy of mentorship and project management – it was totally unexpected to see her 40-day blog series about people that made business ‘personal’…acknowledging students and subordinates along the way no doubt led to the write up (http://ljlanding.blogspot.com/2009/04/40-day-series-thank-you-susan-morgan.html). This has totally changed my attitude in these rough economic times and I plan to pay it forward to those that may or may not have realized the impact they made on me.”

Lisa Qualls blogged to thank (acknowledge) 40 people that had made a difference in her life and career by making business personal. When she acknowledged me, I had no warning, but it couldn’t have come at a better time. As a project management in the telecom sector, I’ve experienced the ebb and flow of the past economic decade – currently in a low point for me. When looking a new engagement (possibly a career change) one reviews past performance reviews, work situations, and often question what we have done. You think about what worked and what didn’t work when you are looking for your next opportunity!

I was questioning a specific performance review that stated I’d never move too far (up) because I associate too much with subordinates – it was a year when every formal quality acknowledgement was given to subordinates (no peers or management). Do you change what is your core philosophy or remain yourself? Mentorship was vital to me when I started out and I’ve always contended that mentoring, training without fear tactics, and acknowledging the newbies is a ‘must do’ for management and executives. While I’m still searching for that right fit opportunity (unemployment is always rough), thanks to Lisa’s blog I know I will look for an environment that appreciates mentorship and a personal approach to business – that past performance review will remind me to openly acknowledge peers and management as well, but I’m sure that there IS life after layoff!

No doubt the 39 others Lisa acknowledge have benefited from her blog series – it would be interesting to see what that acknowledgement did for the others!

Susan Morgan, PMP

Wallasy on October 10, 2012

Dear Stephanie, Wow are you lucky to have found Hold On To Your Kids when your children are so young mine were adtlus. I have read the book, purchased and watched and listened to a few of the downloadable lectures and reread the posts. When things seem overwhelming I remember the two points of what children need most: Right relationship (parent taking the lead, working the attachments); Soft hearts (make room for their tears, watch for signs of defenses against vulnerability).I collect my children (and husband!) as much as I can, trying to demonstrate delight in their presence, enjoyment and warmth. I remind myself constantly that the family nest is the source of the greatest wounding if we are not careful.I have been seeing how powerful this approach is. One mother told me that after taking Power to Parent 1 and 2, and making sense of her child’s behaviour, she would collect her super sensitive very alarmed two year old as many times a day as she could manage, and lowered her expectations of what her small but very bright child should be doing. In a very short time, things have really changed a lot.Children in right relationship who have soft hearts are much easier to parent, and much easier to be with your growing family will always be a challenge but with your new insights about how children develop, you will find much joy too.P.S. my pen name means that I travel the maze of parenting and make lots of mistakes, by which I gradually find my way to what does work, with not a few tears shed.

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Lha on October 10, 2012

seems to be too vulnerable for her, to monvig in to be her answer, assuming responsibility to help her feel safe, and looking for opportunities to prime the tears that you know are needed to drain these feelings. Remember, adaptation is not a conscious process and thus her awareness and acknowledgment is much less important than simply monvig her towards the experience in whatever way you can.Given you see she is defended from vulnerable feelings, you will most likely need to approach these feelings indirectly at first, through stories, puppets, modeling vulnerable feelings (so long as they have nothing to do with her and you also communicate that you can handle them in yourself), and starting with the easiest places to prime these vulnerable feelings, slowly monvig in to the more difficult ones once you have a sign that the tears are starting to come. The developmental process is a slow one and the baby steps you take in this direction will eventually add up. As Dr. Neufeld often says, it is enough to simply Look to precipitate out of the clouds of sadness (and in this case anxiety/fear/worry) in a child’s life a few tears. While I understand firsthand the longing for a torrential downpour when dealing with a child who you know is filled with oceans of tears, it has been my experience that little showers go a long, long way towards nurturing the soil of their growth.Warmly,Cindy

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Mark on October 12, 2012

Dear A Mazing Mum,It is great to hear about the difference this mrieatal has made for you and the way in which you are helping others become the parent their children need. Thank you for jumping in and offering your experience and insights here in the editorial section. One of the ways Dr. Neufeld describes his intention in creating places of connection like this editorial, is his belief that when we join the many sparks of individuals who yearn for the conditions children truly need to thrive, we will create a flame that can help light the way in what often feels like very dark times. Clearly your spark is burning brightly! Thanks for offering it up to all of us here.warmly,Cindy

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Trevon on October 12, 2012

Deadly accurate answer. You’ve hit the blluesye!

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Dear Stephanie,Before I met Gordon, distraction was my norm as well. I made the error of mankig everything work for my oldest child and frequently received compliments about what a good mother I was because my child never cried. Little did I know what I was creating; a child who couldn’t handle not getting his way. Everything was a big deal, he was frustrated and alarmed, and so was I. What a relief it was to all of us for me to grow to the place where I was no longer spooked by upset and could make room for it in the life of my children, and subsequently in my heart as well.One of the most significant turning points I have noticed when people begin to get this paradigm is that their relationship to sadness and tears takes a 180 degree turn from today’s conventional perspective; rather than seeing it as a sign of some kind of failure on the part of the parent, they begin to appreciate how precious a soft heart which feels these feelings are to the realization of human potential. Drawing a few tears from the sadness in a child’s life becomes a cause for celebration.I wish you all the best on your parenting journey.Cindy

Way to use the intrneet to help people solve problems!

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